what i really need to change

So last night as I was reading the book by James McDonald I came to a tough realization. I thought when I started reading the book that I knew exactly what it was I needed to change. The problem with that thinking was that I didn't let God tell me what He wanted to change right now at this point in time. I got to looking at the list of possible changes to make in a person's life and I checked out what it was that I actually marked as areas that need improvement. The things I thought I needed to change were two very physical problems. Don't get me wrong I think those things will still require very conscious efforts, but I realized that those two things were not what God wanted to work on right now.
The first one that I really need to work on became very clear to me after reflecting quite a bit (almost obsessing really) about an event that happened Friday night. I really need to pay close attention to what comes out of my mouth. Satan has got a strong hold on me by letting my words just fly and the consequences come later. I am often quick to pass judgment on others and I am very sure to pass on my judgements to anyone who will listen. So for all you who read this and are keeping me accountable, stop me when you hear me begin to gossip and/or judge others. I really believe that God wanted the events of Friday to happen to teach me a lesson. It doesn't really matter what I say or who I say it to, if it is not from Him it is bound to hurt someone.
The second thing that came to my attention by no great happening was that I am never quite content with what I have. I never have enough. I looked over the list again and I had 3 things marked the same, but for the life of me could not determine the difference between them. So I looked it up. Covet-to want something someone else has. Envy-to begrudge someone else's good fortune. Jealous-to fear losing something I have. Keep in mind these are my loose translations and are just what I gathered from my reading. After studying up on these I decided that jealousy was not as much of an issue as covetnous and then envy. After realizing that God was really wanting to change these things in me I remembered a few sermons I have heard in the past 2 years. The first was one by John Castletein (spelling error I'm sure) almost 2 years ago. I remember he started off talking about all these great things people had-the most prominent one that sticks out in my mind was his story about the woman in China (I believe) who had somewhere around 3,000 shoes when she died! When he first said that I was like "Now that's what I'm talking about." Boy by the end of the sermon was I convicted. He spoke about the fact that no matter what you have here, it is never ENOUGH to get into Heaven and you can't take it with you. And in all actuality God is the only thing that can fill that void of ENOUGH. So really what happened to those 3,000 shoes? Nothing! That's just it whatever you feel like you need more of will never be ENOUGH and it all just turns to nothing when it's all said and done.
The other sermon that came to my mind was one of Ron's first sermons at our church. He talked about being content. It doesn't matter where you are in your life if you are focused on Christ you will be content with what you have. Man did this hit home last night and really hurt me. Because I haven't been content with what I have and always wishing for more showed me that my life is not focused on where it should be. That really bothers me. I'm hoping that soon I will learn how God is working and what I need to do and how to do it so that I can be content with what I have and not covet what the "Jones'" down the street have. And also so I don't degrade loved ones' accomplishments just because I am not at the same place in my life. How sad that, although maybe not aloud, I cannot truly rejoice with friends over great times in their lives because I am not happy in my own. Sometimes even secretly wishing bad things to happen just to knock them down to my level. Why should I not strive to be at the level God wants me to be in relationship with Him, when that is what will truly have the ultimate reward?