Rationalizing

This is just a question I have been pondering lately...Why? Why is it that I can see when people are not making the best decisions, but they don't get it when I explain it to them? Even though they have been down the road many times before. Why is it that people who know God's word can overlook what it says to rationalize their way of life? I mean everything that I have come across in the Word is not just stated one time...it is repeated. Are these people trying to say that the whole Bible is just an error? It breaks my heart to know that people I love cannot see God's glory and rejoice in it. He is so awesome and wonderful and forgiving and loving. Oh how my heart aches and I know He is listening and answering my prayers in His time and in His way. I guess for anyone reading this, just some advice on how to let my loved ones strife go so that it does not hurt me would be nice. Am I supposed to carry this? Do I continue to discuss the same issues with them over and over again? Uugghh!
I'm done with that. Have I mentioned that I am going to see my brother in July? I'm going for his birthday and we are going to get to hang out for like a week, just me and him! I'm so looking forward to this. Maybe we'll go to D.C. for a day, he doesn't live far from there. Or maybe I can talk him in to going to NYC for a day, I've never been and I don't think he's too far from there either. And then there's also the beach time! Wow I wonder what all he's got planned for us? Even if we just hang out and play games or cards or dice or something. What exciting times I can hardly wait! Well I guess that's enough for today, so until next time...

All of God's creations

These are the pictures of the new landscaping of our yard. I love that we have our own little asian-inspired getaway. It was a lot of hard work but I just think it gives our house such curb appeal! We are not quite finished but I love it. I need a few more flowers in the flower bed on the right, and we've got a little project going on in the back yard too. But I will settle with this for this year. Our next big thing is finishing the big room in the garage. It will be our bedroom, and the best part is I will have a 7X12 walk-in closet. Slowly but surely I am getting my dream home.
Now for the part that I discuss everytime that I'm on here. I've done a lot of soul searching and decided that I am content with my body, and that I will not have the body I had when I was 21. I mean really, I've had 2 kids. The most I can ask for is health, and appreciation for my dimples on my legs. I always said that I wanted dimples, now I've got them and I was trying to get rid of them...hehehe. I think that as long as I really watch portions, and types of food, and get moving...I couldn't ask for more. I love gardening and working in the yard...and I could tell that was burning calories and giving my body a workout- I can feel it this morning! I mean God created me how I am, who am I to degrade His masterpiece! I still need to treat my body like His temple, but without the self-bashing that I have induced lately. So for anybody reading this, just be content with what you have now, otherwise you will never be content with what you get! I love this life and thank God for all the blessings He has given me.

Just Sitting on The Edge of Your Chair

I know that most of you just sit on the edge of your chair waiting for to see what I will ramble about this time... This time I think I will once again talk about my weightloss. I've found my motivation again and have done really well yesterday. I like to start my day with positive things, whether it be reading something inspirational (i.e. James MacDonald's website, or the Word), have my talk with God to make sure I am on the same page as Him, and sometimes I like to sit in front of the TV and watch reruns of the show "The Biggest Loser"-because it motivates me so much that during commercials I will do situps and pushups and stuff like that. I did not meet our challenge this week, but I am not going to get down about that. Yesterday reading Pastor James' page he pointed out a verse that I used to recite all the time while in the gym-1Chor. 6:19, 20. It says very loosely that my body is God's temple and I need to treat it as such so that He has a good place to reside in me. Then reading the comments left by others, one woman said that she knew her body was a temple, she was just downsizing and remodeling! I thought how amazing, I love humor in the face of temptation and struggle.
Well onto my exciting news for the weekend-Saturday night my friend is keeping Zoey, Sesleigh is going camping with my mom and Jade is at her mom's. So Caleb and I have a whole night (all night long) to ourselves! Hopefully I will be able to sleep all night.
Well my stomach is growling and I can feel my blood sugar dropping so I better get off here and get me something to eat.

God at work

I sit here after just reading pastor james macdonald's blog about weightloss and his temptation for sweets and i have so many emotions about it. I am relieved that a "Godly" man suffers from the same disease that i do. I feel guilty because I sat reading his blog while eating a bowl of ice cream. I felt satisfied because it was so good. I felt ashamed because i have gone for almost 2 weeks with no sweets and then when the in-laws come to town, i just let all my reserve fly out the window. And i feel convicted because i know where the answer is and i just am too stubborn to go there. I have not been in the Word lately and am about 1 1/2 weeks behind in my 5X5X5 reading. I have sat on the couch and done not so much! I look back on my life and think of times when i have shown determination and perserverance and i can't really recall a whole lot. It seems that i always give in, so now i guess it's time to do a lot of soul searching because i always give in for a reason and it's time to figure out exactly what that reason is. So i will keep everyone updated about that.
My in-laws have been staying with us for the last 3 nights. It has been a great time, don't get me wrong, but there are just some things you cannot do in your own home when guests are there. I am excited though because they are going back home to alabama on thursday, but then in about 4 weeks they are moving back up here for 7 years! I really got the best in-laws a girl could ask for. My brother-in-law and his wife and their 2 kids came down yesterday and spent about 12 hours here! That really shocked me because they usually don't stay that long. I know most people reading this do not know them, but pray for them...for their marriage to grow in Christ and stay strong. It made me so happy to see them like they were yesterday, and their babies are just the cutest things in the world. The oldest girl and Sesleigh played so well together! The day was just awesome.
I thank God for all the blessings and know and have seen Him work in this life. I just don't understand anyone could not know Him. He is so great and awesome and fulfilling that I want everyone to know where the Truth is!

It's Just Today

Well, nothing special really today. I weighed in with my mom and had lost 2 pounds! Yeah for me. Then we went to Bloomington, I got my hair cut at my best friend's school. The best part about it was that it was free. Oh I don't mean it was a bad cut...I like it. I just like it even better because I like things that are free! We went shopping to buy our new shirts for making our goals for the week, I got 2 tank tops...how exciting. The amazing thing was I found a swimming suit that I liked! That never happens. I always criticize how I look in a swimming suit. But I think that priorities have shifted and if it doesn't make me look grotesque then it's ok with me. I didn't buy it though, saving my money to go see my brother in Maryland. Which is a whole other topic.
But when I got home I was out looking at my flowers and I don't think they are doing so well. I did have some baby's breath that has bloomed, but I have a lot of brown in my pots. I really wanted these to do well. Maybe I will get some more and keep trying.
My in-laws come home tomorrow night! I'm pretty excited about that...we haven't seen them since Zoey was about 5 days old. They will be shocked when they see how different she is now. Not that they haven't expected it, but she is just so stinking cute and onery and smart.
Anyway, as I type this I just feel different about life...I think I'm coming up on another season...the one I'm in is just fading. That raises mixed emotions. I'm sad that I am shedding my old self, but I am excited to see what God has in store for me next. I am also glad that I can come to this transition with hope and expectation and gratification for what I have learned. I just think that anyone who may be reading this should just take a moment to reflect on the good things in your life and be grateful for what you have been blessed with. This life is a gift from God and you should make the most of it.

Good Morning

I sometimes think that the statement Good Morning is an oxymoron...especially when I've slept for a mere 2 hours. I have already been talking to God about just letting me get through this day without saying anything that may be hurtful, letting me have some peace today, and letting me get some sleep. It's days like these that I have to constantly remind myself today is a gift straight from God and I need to be appreciative and thankful for that gift.
Now I'm done complaining because that just wouldn't be right. I think I will just ramble a bit so just bear with me. I have gone for five days with no sweets! This is a huge accomplishment for me and I think that it hasn't been too bad. The greatest thing is I feel no guilt in the evenings about what I have eaten for the week. I wonder what our challenge will be for next week. I'm thinking no potato chips, but keeping the no sweets challenge. I think this is also the first week that I am looking forward to weigh in day on Friday!
Just one more bit of ramblings. I got an email the other day and there was something in it that really stuck with me, it said something to the effect of: "A miracle is not the suspension of natural law, but rather the interjection of a higher law" I just thought this was an amazing way to look at God's work. That He is always looking out for us and butting in when we need it the most because the way we are doing things is not working. I just feel a lot safer to know that I've got the most powerful someone on my side looking out for me, and that I can have a relationship with Him. How awesome is that!
Anyway, so I'm done rambling so you can be done reading. Have a good day.

So I've started planting flowers or plants or whatever they are! I think I'm addicted now though. I can't wait to get my yard landscaped the way I picture it in my head. I'm just glad that I have learned how to make friends without drinking with them. I've got this new one who is teaching me all she knows about gardening. I think it's wonderful God has given us something so beautiful that can take up some time in a M.O.M.'s day. I see now how the flowers praise God with their beauty. Only He could make something like that.
Well onto a different subject-my mom and I have issued a weight loss challenge this week! No sweets for the entire week and 2 pound weight loss for a new shirt! So far no sweets, but it has only been 2 days really, but that's pretty good for me. I might make Caleb some cookies today so that will be a real test. The desire is not really there, but when I do get a craving I eat some lowfat yogurt and some melon! That seems to take care of it.
I am just having a blessed day, I feel great and am appreciative of all God has given me today. Yesterday I was in such a testy mood, it didn't take much to set me off, but by the end of the day God had called me to his Word (I was behind in my 5X5X5 reading). I read the story of the Last Supper, the betrayal, the denial, the trial, and the Crucifixion. That story is something that I had read and heard many times before, but last night it was so visual to me, I felt like I was right there. The denial 3 times by Peter was what got me the most. In the past I always give in to peer pressure, and I have always wanted to be part of the in-crowd, that I have denied my faith. Maybe not right out, but like Peter's first denial, just kind of skimmed around the question and changed the subject. I was almost sick to my stomach at my past actions. I just thank God for His grace to give me another chance and hopefully I will redeem myself as did Peter. Today I woke up in a terrific mood, even this morning in the wee hours when Zoey was screaming, I just had a different peace. It always amazes me when I am filled again with the joy and peace God offers, although He always comes through if I'm on a sincere search!

My weekend

Well my weekend was nothing too spectacular. Friday night was our girls' night out with a friend who is getting married soon. Man I haven't had that many good belly laughs in such a short period of time for a very long time. I love that I can go and have a good time without alcohol (kind of) finally...and I actually felt comfortable being myself and acting a little crazy! The good thing that happened after I got home was my friend who watched the kids started asking questions about life and God and faith. This sort of blew me away because I had no idea that she was even thinking about any of that.
Saturday my husband finally got home after 3 long days. I think sometimes when he leaves like that it makes our bond stronger. I guess there is something to that old addage "absence makes the heart grow fonder". Also, a friend and I went for a run/walk which felt amazing. I love going and feeling like I've got nothing left, just to push myself a little bit more. Especially when I know the results are going to be so good.
Today, after church Caleb and I fixed lunch for the bus kids and our kids helped serve them. I always forget to prepare myself for those kids, but it was still a good time. Caleb has a special spot for the bus kids, I think that's his purpose. My friend and I went for another run/walk today and I loved it again, although I can feel it in my shins right now! The last two days have been farely good with my sweet tooth, I did have 2 chocolate kisses today though. But I think considering what it used to be like, that is a huge step in the right direction. The exercise helps motivate me to want to take better care of my body, it always has. Well the baby just woke up so I better sign off here.

Evolution of Dance

I think I remember doing all of these at one time or another!

I'm a Blaker Girl

Well last night Blake totally won everyone over I think. They were all still talking about his risk he took with his Bon Jovi song, but I knew Blake wouldn't let me down! I love when he beatboxes and I haven't heard it in a couple of weeks, so I was pretty stoked Tuesday night. I know that for those of you who are not American Idol fans, this seems silly, but I am a sucker for the show and am captivated by the contestants. I was glad to see Chris go finally, I haven't liked him really from the start. It's not that he's bad, it's just that you could carve him and four others from cream cheese and have a boy band, no matter what they sound like! Plus he was too nasally for me (I have to agree with Simon on this one). I expected Phil to go although the last 3 weeks he's been better than he's ever been. LaKisha was amazing and I have always been a big fan, but she has been kind of dull the last few weeks; I think when she kissed Simon, she upped her "it" factor. Jordin is amazing for 17, but Tuesday was rough, at least she knew it though. Melinda by far has the best voice on the show, but lately I had been telling Caleb that all her songs sound the same, so I was concerned how she was going to rock it out. But man she did a phenomenal job and I totally loved the attitude! So that's my Idol talk.
One last thing I gotta get off my mind is this whole weight/diet thing. I figure that I am going to have to quit the sugar like alcoholics quit drinking-one day at a time. I think that's the motto from AA! Does anybody know if there's a DA (dieter's anonymous)?! So yesterday I made it the whole day with no sweets, but I did have cereal for supper which was my sweets. And the cravings while I was watching Idol were tremendous, but I just kept saying "I've only got about an hour and a half left of the day and then it will be over." So now I'm gonna work on today.
Hey I just wanna thank everyone for reading my babble, have a good day and God Bless!

its tuesday

So nothing real exciting today, just the usual dance, visit with the grandparents, FPU, and rush around. Still no sleep, but last night was not just Zoey, I had the middle one up too. Sassy was not feeling well at all and of course could not be awake the same time as Zoey. But I guess that's what I signed up for when I decided to be a mother!
Anyway, the thing that's been on my mind most of the day has been this whole diet thing. That's right I said the "d" word. I know I could lose the weight if I would quit eating all the sweets. I also know that's what upsets my stomach so bad that some nights I just lie curled in a ball because I hurt so bad. My question is how do I stop???!!! I can do fine until about 3 or 4 in the afternoon, then I just crave something sweet so bad it's all I can think about, then I will start to get a headache. If anyone has any great ideas about how to give this nasty habit up, I will gladly take them...and I know that it is my choice, but what about the actual physiological aspect of this desire (the headaches, the cravings)? How do I get past this? Please pray for me and with me about this. And just so you all know I am laying it all out there today...I do not like showing my weaknesses, but this sin is overtaking my life, and it seems like this is the only thing I think about. It consumes me some days, then at the end of the day, I just feel so guilty.
Well now let's just move on cuz things just got a little too serious for my taste! My husband would like for me to tell everyone that he is just such a wonderful husband! He is funny like that, but I do tell people that he is much like a fairytale!
Well I guess this is all for today, I know that you all will be just anticipating tomorrow's blog with all you've got.